I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
