I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
