Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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