This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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