Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
