Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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