I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
