Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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