I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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