I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
