Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
