The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
