new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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