And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
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There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
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you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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