Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
