i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
