the condom got lost in my hair
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
