so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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