Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
