how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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