Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
