i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
