the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
