There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You have to summon your inner elephant
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
