:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
