think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
