So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.