i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
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i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
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6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!