i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.