I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
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i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner