You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team