your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
