TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
