Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
In America we eat man semen.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
