I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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