Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
