I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
