RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
