YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My cat gives me a boner
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
