is your mom at the bar?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
