He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
