I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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