bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
