I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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