Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
