she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
