you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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