So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
