my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
