I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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