"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize