Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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