im gay
i know
yea but for you.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
how do you play pong handcuffed?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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