so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
