and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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