You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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