dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
