so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
