First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
