he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
